Daddy? Why do people cheat?

…because son… let me tell you something, come here you little sack of shit.

There’s two ways to get ahead in life. One way is hard work. Hard work is what you do when you’re not smart enough or lucky enough to find ways to cut corners.

“But what’s cutting corners?”

Cutting corners means bending the rules. You know how Mommy suddenly got promoted to Vice President of her company? Well, last month… she was just a secretary. Mommy found a way to cut a corner to really impress her boss, and now she’s making more money.

“But I don’t want to work hard, Daddy, I want to cheat!”

Well… you would be just like everyone else in this world. In our lives, it’s very difficult to choose the honorable path and continue to earn everything the hard way.

“Why would you want to earn something the hard way Daddy? And what’s honor?”

I don’t know anymore, kid. I don’t know. Excuse me.

(Father turns, whips out revolver, aims at temple.)

Son, you raise a good point. I wasn’t meant for this world. In life you gotta cheat to get ahead, and I don’t have that kind of moral flexibility. Here. (Takes out a sheet of paper.) Give this to your mother. I’ll see you soon.

(Pulls trigger, BANG!)

Daddy?

In the spirit of cheating - and believe me, we know - here are the “winners” of the second round. Some of you fought honorably, others of you didn’t. Some of you even attempted to out-cheat each other. Here’s how the committee judges the merits.

1.) If you both cheated in a match-up, whoever cheated better wins. (Take that logic, MLB!)

2.) If one of you cheated in a match-up, the other one won.

We know your IP address and trackback links, pal.

So, below… the winners and match-ups for the Sweet 16. Italicized names indicate the final margin was less than 10 votes, bold names indicate an upset.

Concrete Brad Region

1.) Suss vs. 4.) Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

11.) Metschick vs. 2.) Weed Against Speed

Pot Roast & Gravy Region

1.) Gourmet Spud vs. vs. 13.) Kid Canada

3.) Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price vs. 7.) Shea Guavara

Tatumfor3 Region

1.) Brazil Thrill vs. 13.) Matt_T 

11.) I Party With Smoot vs. 15.) PQ Crash

Supermike Region

1.) Ukraine Not Weak vs. 13.) Fiddling While Jim Rome Burns

6.) Tuffy vs. 7.) 289